Separation Anxiety

Anxiety in children is caused by several factors, of which the most pregnant is how they are treated at home. When left untreated, anxiety crystallises into a more concrete form. As a child enters adulthood, it results in avoidance behaviour, and can make a person phobic or shy. Anxiety disorders can begin when a child is as young as 6-8 months old. The more anxious parents are, the more likely the child is to suffer from anxiety. Anxiety is a phenomenon of human nature, and mild pangs of anxiety in new situations are absolutely normal.
Anxiety can even be beneficial because it serves as an adaptive response in many difficult situations. Therefore, the mere presence of anxiety during separation from parents is not a sign of pathology. It is a normal phenomenon in a child's development, especially when he is 6-8 months old.
But when we speak of pathological anxiety, we speak of an anxiety disorder that gradually becomes established, which compromises adaptation and child development. Events during pregnancy and birth, or unpleasant sensations, can make a child more vulnerable to something that generates tension.
Both psychological and situational factors can trigger natural anxiety. But if a child has a structure around her, such as anxious parents, then you can establish a case of chronic anxiety. Some stimuli that are experienced are so intensely negative, they may even trigger pathological anxiety.
Anxiety arises at the age of around 6-8 months when a baby experiences discomfort, cries and gets upset in the presence of a stranger. This shows that a child is distinguishing a familiar face from a strangers. It is a completely normal and healthy reaction, but may lead to separation anxiety. In situations where the mother or caregiver of the child has to leave him with someone else, the child despairs, his heart races, face turns red, and he cannot be controlled or pacified.
The child may not want to go to daycare or school, and his school performance may fall gradually. This is the most common symptom - but not always, because the emotional bond with the teacher makes a big difference here.
I realise that, depending on the child, a stimulus that does not lead to some anxiety in a crisis can generate anxiety in another situation for those who are predisposed to it.
A good relationship can prevent chronic anxiety. The way parents, babysitters, grandparents or anyone else who cares for the child deal with life situations is important. If a person already has a tendency to get anxious and tense when everyone else panics, it can only intensify.
What we need to have as a rule is: The less anxiety transmitted to the child, the better. We have to calm the child down and protect him. Thus he learns that there are many ways to evaluate an issue and deal with it besides getting anxious.
To counter separation anxiety, parents need to spend quality time with their children. If a child feels safe in the presence of his mother early in life, the tendency to get anxious is minimised.
We know that symptoms of anxiety are relatively common in children and adolescents, and chronic and pathological anxiety, including separation anxiety, is a clinical problem that is increasingly common in modern times. All professionals dealing with children and adolescents must be aware of the possible manifestations of anxiety in this age group, which are:
1. The child has symptoms that cannot be classified as normal behaviour;
2. Anxiety significantly impairs the child's functioning;
3. The symptoms of anxiety persist for an inappropriate length of time.
Such anxiety can be debilitating and stressful for families. Therefore, treatment is more effective, and has excellent results if the disorder is diagnosed early and correctly. Diagnosis is important because children with separation anxiety often face difficulty in performing daily activities, attending school, staying with friends, going on tour and even maintaining normal sleeping habits hildren with the disorder suffer a lot when separated from parents. Symptoms can arise even at the mere mention of a possible future separation. When separated from home or parents, the child urgently needs to know their whereabouts and feels the need to stay in constant contact, for example with repeated phone calls.
They have frequent nightmares about separation. They also experience extreme longing and feel sick (fever, diarrhoea and vomiting) due to the discomfort of being away from home, or when a person they bond with is absent.
Other symptoms include worrying that something bad might happen to them or to their parents, refusal to go to school, and reluctance to sleep alone or away from the parents. Outside the home, they may experience social withdrawal, apathy, sadness or have difficulty concentrating.
Concerns about death are common, as well as social avoidance. The child may feel that no one likes him and/or that somebody wants to kill him. They may also exhibit aggressive behaviour such as anger at the person forcing separation. They can also report unusual perceptual experiences such as imagining people or frightening creatures in the room trying to pick them up, and a feeling that someone is watching them.
A child's demands for attention, affection and love often become a source of frustration for parents, causing resentment and conflict in the family. Sometimes children with anxiety are described as overly meticulous, obedient and eager to please, worrying excessively about issues that adults usually think about (their own competence, what to wear the next day, which subject to choose at university, etc). Depression is also seen in patients with separation anxiety.

Take surprise in stride

Not everyone can deal with the surprise factor. When the unexpected happens, it can often lead to frustration. From the smallest of things such as the car breaking down and losing data on the computer to the end of a marriage and a loved one's death, some events are just difficult to stomach.

Psychoanalyst Melanie Klein said that people need to understand that frustration is a part of work and life. However, having to deal with unexpected surprises is often not a welcome thought.
Oddly enough, this behaviour begins in childhood, especially when the child gets whatever he asks for, whenever he wants it. Parents should deal with children firmly, even when it is easier to give in to their whims. Such children are likely to enter adulthood unable to cope with the surprises and disappointments of daily life.
Even when people are able to accept disappointment, they find it difficult to regain their emotional strength. This is often seen at the time of taking forced retirement or submitting a resignation, when a person often has to change their expectations and dreams drastically.
In times of conflict and crisis, unstable emotions and stress can lead to disease, anxiety and somatisation. Understanding that life is not always ideal does not mean that you must stop dreaming. You need to adapt as best as possible to what cannot be changed, and alternatively try to turn the loss into something more positive. If you think in a mature way, you must learn to intensely focus on time periods such as 'after' and 'from now on.'

The reinforcement of mature behaviour is necessary right from childhood, especially because many from the current generation would agree with phrases like, "I have everything I want," or, "My father gives me everything I ask for."
Children often behave irrationally when they cannot have their way. Parents sometimes give in to unreasonable demands when they are unable to spend enough time with their children. They end up easing their guilt by showering children with material gifts.
Knowing when to wait and when to resign oneself to life is an essential part of building a healthy and balanced personality. Adults who are unprepared for suffering and unpleasant events often break down and come close to losing control over their own lives.
Support groups help greatly in dealing with a personal loss or other problems such as alcoholism, drug abuse, Down syndrome, etc. They quickly help people adapt to the new reality and circumstances of a family member.
Basically our ability to deal with reality is hampered because we believe that once our day begins, it will end as planned. The possibility of setbacks is excluded, and somehow we feel omnipotent in relation to what we want to accomplish. Understanding one's own finitude and limitations is a big step in developing maturity and gaining acceptance of the surprise factor.

Non-verbal communication

Non-verbal communication is used by man right from birth. It includes gestures, looks and touch, and is as essential as verbalisation, because human beings manage to convey rejection, affection, empathy, and of course, neglect and love, through it. In day-to-day life, this type of communication is an essential part of relationships, whether between friends or family members, as part of a set of coded messages through which we express ourselves. Marital partners often use non-verbal cues as a common tool to express dissatisfaction and frustration. Here are some of the common methods used by them:
Silence
Silence is a popular weapon. People try to show anger or discontent through it. If a spouse does not realise that something is wrong, the person's dissatisfaction grows. Many think that a husband or wife is obliged to understand their attitude.
If a person shuts up completely, the partner has to guess what is behind the silence. As time passes, the silence takes on another purpose, which is punishment. The person will deliberately not speak just because the partner was unable to understand the real reason behind his/her silence. This is an agonising situation for a spouse who may not be telepathic.

Indifference
Indifference is another powerful form of non-verbal communication. A spouse becomes indifferent to matters of the house, the children, sexual intimacy and so on. The latter is commonly used by women when they are trying to say that something is wrong.
Men generally use pending work as an excuse to avoid their wives. They say they find it better to stay late at work rather than take work home. At least at work, they feel they can avoid their partner's negative attitude. Friends are also used in such circumstances. People surround themselves with friends all the time so they can avoid intimacy. In this case, we use a friend as a shield to fill the time that would probably be spent with the spouse.
Solitary hyper-activity or spending all one's spare time alone without including the mate are also ways of demonstrating that something is wrong. Exchange of affection also ceases in such situations.

Non-verbal cues that can strengthen a relationship
Destructive non-verbal communication can make an unresolved situation worse, undermining the relationship. Positive communication streng-thens the self-confidence and security of a couple.
A look of encouragement is often all that is needed for positive non-verbal communication. A husband who takes out time to reach home on time or go out with his wife is acknowledging that even within the intricate scheme of work, this coexistence is part of their priorities.
A simple touch also fits into the category of positive non-verbal communication. It is especially important when someone is in pain. A touch, whether fleeting or prolonged, conveys understanding even in silence, and empowers the partner.
Let us not forget, however, that verbalisation is equally important. By talking about something that bothered us and was not effectively resolved, we can strengthen understanding with our spouses and confirm what they interpreted from our non-verbal cues.
Silence does not always mean that a person is hiding behind it. However, false interpretation can give wings to a partner's imagination, making things even more difficult in a relationship. So make your attitude clear and express yourself honestly before things become unmanageable.

Play it safe

Parents and relatives are concerned about the safety of children, especially if they are babies. Mothers have constant doubts and fears over their children's safety. Thus, toys need to be purchased after careful consideration.

As a baby wants to bite and grab everything that comes his way, parents should take special care when they go shopping. It is especially important to monitor children's play. "During the first year, the baby takes everything, including toys, in his mouth and nibbles on them, which also serves to massage the gums," said a study by the Association for the Promotion of Child Safety (APSI) in Portugal.
If the child is irritable by nature, he needs toys that constantly stimulate him. Playpens and children's gyms allow babies and small children to explore their surroundings safely. They make life easier for mothers because they allow the execution of important day-to-day tasks without interruption. The mother can cook while the baby is playing, and watch him at the same time.
How to choose a playpen
As with other toys, choosing the right playpen is essential. It should be appropriate for the intended age group. Note the minimum safety requirements carefully. Always read the warnings and instructions and, if possible, remove the playground from the packaging to examine it thoroughly.
In Portugal, all manufacturers need to follow EU directives for the marketing of toys and baby products. This is known as the CE mark. It must be clearly visible on the toy or its packaging before it is introduced in the market. It should also include the manufacturer's name, business name, brand name and the address of the manufacturer, dealer or importer.
When to use a playpen
The use of a playpen is recommended from the time a child begins to explore the world around him. "Although the baby does not start moving all of a sudden, prepare the house for what can happen when he eventually does. Something untoward can happen when you least expect it," the study said.
Since the floor is not the safest place for playing, a children's gym is the best alternative. The playpen should be used in specific situations, such as when the supervising adult is bathing or cooking. In case of the latter, it is recommended that you place the playpen in the kitchen to see what the child is doing, and to keep track of his activities. A major advantage of a playpen is that it can be moved easily.
However, some safety regulations should be followed. If your baby is often alone with an adult, you should choose a sufficiently large playpen so the child can move freely. Use it only for small periods of time. Also check the method of assembly and the mechanism of opening/closing the pen.
Do not put toys that may harm the child, or others used for climbing or stacking, in the playpen. Last but not the least, do not put the playpen near objects that can be pulled or accessed by children, such as wires or lamps. The playground can be unsafe if parents are not attentive.

Love and betrayal

Several times during my professional life, I have encountered people who have cheated on their partner or been cheated on in relationships. Those who have been cheated on usually end up feeling lost and not knowing what to do or think. Betrayals of this kind cause severe pain and lead to serious self-doubt all over the world. I truly believe that a person in love will not betray. One who is truly in love does not feel the need to experience anything else. He/she is not open to new experiences and is in a particular relationship as a result of a mature and adult choice, and not because of moral values or fear of losing the person they fell in love with.
Being in love is much more than what a person wants or needs. It is a sharing that takes place naturally from both sides, with no demands and no stronger links. I believe the big problem of society lies here, because we don’t know about real love.
Modern society doesn’t permit us to develop and be mature when it comes to our emotions. As a result, we end up falling in love or being in a relationship in an immature and selfish way. If this is the case, it is very natural that people will cheat, after all, it's almost a condition of being human. We must understand the need for seeking and experiencing different things that sharpen our senses and stimulate our emotions.
In therapy, with the issue of betrayal usually comes the question: Should I forgive him or not? Will he/she do it again? Can I ever trust him/her? The reality is, what is that part of love that made you feel betrayed? How do you love and how do you feel about it?
The answer usually lies in the way that we love the other someone. Is our love mature? If you someone asks you why you love your partner, would your answer be something like, “He/she makes me feel good,” or, “He/she makes me feel stronger,” or prettier, safe, etc? Then it seems you are not experiencing real love, but what you like in this relationship is the way that person makes you feel about yourself and about life. So the lack of maturity and over self-centeredness are what stop us from reaching out with love.
Sometimes we are just in the wrong relationship, but if you end up there it is usually not by chance. The worst part is that you can recognise it, but you can’t end it.
If you can see yourself in any of these situations, you should consider therapy to find yourself and understand whether you love, if you are loved as per your expectations, and whether those expectations are real.
So, once again you might ask me, shall I forgive or not? Which of these options is conducive to mental health? That will only depend on how you love. Trust me, it is always possible to be truly happy!

Is your child Hyperactive?

It is common for any child to be active, sometimes even excessively, and this is normal. Likewise, it is common for children to lack interest and become disorderly, especially at school. But before we categorise this behaviour as 'hyperactivity,' we must understand that hyperactivity is characterised by uninterrupted activity. A hyperactive individual is active 24 hours a day, and even sleeps restlessly. When he is physically exhausted, his mind still needs to be active. Even though the body can not take it, the mind remains in action.
Hyperactivity is not a disease in itself, and is usually a symptom of disorders such as Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, some types of Attention deficit disorder, Obsessive-compulsive disorder and other learning or behavioural disorders.
There are several angles to consider: When a child is very active, always busy and never seems to get tired, you should observe how he sleeps. If he has restless sleep with or without nightmares, sleeps fitfully, falls out of bed or suffers from tics, seizures or other symptoms, he should be referred to a professional (paediatrician, therapist or psychiatrist) who is able to identify and treat the condition, or can refer the child to a specialist.
If the child's sleep is quiet and restful, we can say that he is normal. Then all you should do is leave him to spend all his energy during the day and to sleep and rest quietly at night. If the child is of school-going age, he should attend a school that has enough space for playing, and good toys.
If the child is not in school yet, it is up to parents to take him to a public park or playground. They can play instructive games with him, like play puppet theatre, for example. It is possible to make simple puppets with your child and then use them for this purpose. It will keep him busy for a long time and is an educational activity. In addition, many other activities can be organised with creativity and patience. Parents can explore several avenues to keep their children occupied and entertained.
In the case of indiscipline in small children, the quality of education should be reviewed as indiscipline and poor education often go together. If the child has a discipline problem in school, the number of unruly students in the class should be analysed.
If the entire class is well behaved and only a few students are disobedient, you should check who is responsible, since one child's bad manners may be causing a disturbance. When in doubt, a psychologist's intervention can be sought, because a psychologist can see if the children have any problems and/or forward them to other professionals for treatment.
If the whole class is undisciplined, it is likely that the teacher is boring, or some other factors are at play. A creative and interested teacher can surely find ways to make a class dynamic and interesting, and also discipline the children.
In case of exaggerated hyperactivity, seizures without complications, or if it is impossible to control the child, he should be referred to a psychologist or neuropsychologist who will be able to identify the disorder and treat it.

Consumerism among children

The current model of consumerism forces one to think about the audience targeted by advertisements, and their consequential effect on the psychological, social and physiological development of human beings, children in particular. The consumer ideology robs a child of a fundamental part of personal development. Children exposed to unbridled consumerism stop playing and start behaving like adults. They are often immature and their development may be retarded. According to eminent psychologists Jean Piaget and Lev Vygotsky, the school is the fundamental institution for a child's development. It helps him develop communication skills and contributes to his intellectual, emotional and social development. However, there is also a sense of competition and social inequality in the school environment. Those that do not fit in are excluded.
A child exposed to the consumer model unconsciously believes that he needs a particular game, toy or another possession to fit into a group. Paradoxically, this same object is also used as a differentiator between people, thus causing the exclusion of those who have no coveted object to compete with.
According to the North American Dietetic Association's Borzekowiski Robinson, it only takes 30 seconds for a brand to influence a child. In Brazil for example, unlike other countries such as Sweden, England, Belgium, the USA, Germany, Canada, Denmark, Ireland, The Netherlands, Austria, Italy, Greece, Portugal and Norway, there is no regulation to limit advertising aimed at children.
There is no control, and advertisers are free to pursue profits unethically and without sparing a thought for children's well-being. The scenario in Oman is a complete reversal of roles. Children are routinely exposed to reality, and may resort to stealing to fulfil their wishes. They may experience a difficult adolescence and be prone to childhood obesity, early sexualisation, and premature use of tobacco and alcohol due to family stress. They may even become violent if their wishes are not fulfilled and if they feel they are socially unequal.
According to the socio-historical perspective of Vygotsky, man is a product of social interaction. It is therefore necessary to restructure the social scene in Oman, as well as and in the world, so that children do not fall victim to consumerism and other ills.