Learn to say NO!!!

To become healthy adults, children need to learn to deal with moments of frustration and annoyance, and know their limits.

A few years ago, education was a simple process since there was a clear demarcation of power with clearly defined roles. Adults continued to be governed by their parents and children followed the rules of the older generation without any dispute.
With the passage of time, some educators told us that this type of education was incorrect; it is necessary to hear children out and allow them a more participative role in family relationships. This may be true, but some parents have yielded to the temptation to follow the other extreme.
As a result, we have seen situations in which power is in children's' hands and the whole family avoids countering them for fear that they may undergo trauma or suffer from a psychological ailment. This can be avoided if parents deal with them firmly, following a few guidelines:
Establish the rules from the beginning
Having a child is a process that people usually associate with feelings of affection and some fear. We frequently hear first-time pregnant women voicing the fear of not being a good mother. But they need not worry at first.
Crying is the only way an infant can express comfort/ discomfort. Mother-infant bonding can be so strong that mothers can often decode different tones of crying as soon as three days after childbirth.
There are many possible reactions to a baby crying. For example, an anxious mother will run to the crib immediately and try to soothe the baby while a calmer person will realise that the baby may have woken up from a strange noise and needs a few minutes to recover before he can fall asleep. In this way people create defence mechanisms, which are also used in other situations of psychological discomfort. But these two examples of maternal attitude outlining two distinct ways to educate will consolidate children's behaviour in the years to come.
The problem is that often the decision to enforce rules arises at an advanced stage of the child's life - for example, in adolescence – when the responsiveness of the young is already reduced, or even nullified. 
Consistency is important
On rules, consistency of the father and mother's attitude is vital. We refer to the case of some couples in which one parent sets a rule and the other breaks it, replacing it with another. For example, to ensure that a child does his homework, the mother tells him that he can watch cartoons only when he finishes homework.
Shortly after, the father comes home and tells the mother, "Don't you see how little Johnny also needs to be distracted? There is enough time to do homework after the cartoon show."
Both parents may then have an argument due to their concern and affection for their son, but the attitude they assume will be detrimental for the child's education. Conflict between parents increases at the same time the child accepts the rules of one and rejects the other's. Children also take advantage of the conflict, behaving impeccably when they are with one of the parents but adopting an attitude of defiance when they are with both.

The teenage years

Adolescence is a period that follows childhood and extends into adulthood. It is an important phase in which the child is neither fully an adult nor a child. It usually lasts from the age of 14-20 for boys, and from 12-18 years for girls.

It is a fickle, disruptive and critical period which both parents and children are afraid of. Parents, because they usually ignore the reactions of the child in this period and do not know how to handle him, and the adolescent because he fears a lack of control over his own life.

Parents find it difficult to understand that children eventually grow up and can think and act for themselves. For rebellious teens, maturity is often all in the head.

All those from my generation remember our own teenage years, in which we experienced unexplained character changes, those bodily sensations that were beyond our understanding and that urge to eat everything.

Our first cigarette, our first drink, our first kiss and our first disappointment in love.

Adolescents are usually impetuous and seek new experiences, believing they are larger than life and sufficiently intelligent to overcome all obstacles that come in the way of achieving their goals.

But very often, it seems that everything goes wrong. In addition, they often feel they can only trust their friends because their parents have stopped understanding them.

The status quo ceases to exist, parents no longer protect the child and he has to face different challenges in life that lead to the adult world.

In this way, they often face other teenagers whose family ties are not too strong, whose parents are no longer concerned about them, or simply those suffering from a behavioural disorder.

No matter how grown-up and strong

he may pretend to be, the teen is still fragile. With this assumption, I want to get to a very common theme within the group - juvenile delinquency.

We call a young person who is found guilty of an offence that would qualify as a crime if an adult had committed it, a juvenile delinquent. The most common crimes are related to vandalism of property and violence.

Different theories have been put forward to explain the phenomenon. Among them is contact with other criminals, peer pressure, and seeking popularity or adventure.

The prognosis of offenders is not too good because they usually live in slums and if they are not removed from that environment, it is very difficult, almost impossible for them to leave crime.

When it comes to behavioural disorders, the best therapy is behaviour modification while the therapist works with the immediate environment to achieve a change of attitude.

Teenagers need a secure family life, which provides a suitable environment for finding the stability that will lead them into maturity. Disoriented by their internal contradictions, they seek approval and affection to be able to understand what's happening.

The world suddenly opens up and that is how a teenager explores it, without order or logical start; time passes quickly and he has a lot to absorb. Parents may be left perplexed by their energy levels and search for spiritual values and understanding.

Teens want to be popular, be admired and trusted, and mimic adults to achieve their goals.

Parents will need a lot of patience to deal with this disruptive period. They must enforce the rules and value their teen's emotions at the same time.

This is the key to achieving a balance so that when the child grows up, he can look back on his adolescence and remember it as one of the best stages in his life, and not the worst.

Anxiety neurosis

Anxiety neurosis is a mental disorder characterised by an almost constant state of restlessness, anguish, fear, etc., which is like a malaise. The affected person is in constant tension and has a fear of something that he may not be able to define.

He often has negative feelings and has no control over them. This state of mind changes the person's life to an extent where he is not in sync with reality. His life and relationships are also affected. A change of job, home, marriage or any other situation involving change can lead to a state of great anxiety and agitation.

Symptoms

A patient of anxiety neurosis feels the need to constantly do something in order to get away from his emotional turmoil. People who are anxious, apprehensive and nervous often have difficulty concentrating and reflecting upon things.

They are agitated and have difficulty sleeping or sleep fitfully because of frequent nightmares. They may be light sleepers, which leads them to feel tired or low on energy during the day.

They experience bodily sensations such as excessive sweating, tachycardia, respiratory disorders, stomach pain, intestinal disturbances, poor digestion and other changes of the autonomic nervous system. Sometimes this state of mind aggravates other situations such as allergies, dermatitis and other problems.

Consequences

Anyone can experience anxiety, especially in these times. It has become a constant factor in the lives of many. Depending on the degree or

frequency, it can become pathological and lead to many related problems. Therefore, it is not always pathological and can be situational as well.

For example, some people start biting their nails when they are anxious. Anxiety causes the sufferer to lose a good part of his self-esteem. He may stop doing certain things because he thinks he will be unable to perform them. In this way, the term anxiety is somehow connected to the word fear, and the person is afraid of making mistakes when performing different tasks, without even trying.

Very high levels of anxiety, especially when presented with shyness or depression, prevent the person from developing his own intellectual potential. It interferes not only with learning in the case of traditional education, but in social intelligence as well. The individual will not know how to behave in social occasions or at work, which can lead to career stagnation.

Treatment

Psychotherapy can help deal with this situation, as well as relaxing activities like yoga, tai-chi and other physical exercises which release stress and lead to relaxation. Therapy helps in identifying the causes of anxiety so that they can be eliminated.

Anxiety has a lot to do with the personality. People  inherit it from their parents or other relatives, or it may be a learnt behaviour. Loss of loved ones can often aggravate this condition, and so can other stressful situations experienced throughout life.

To summarise, we need to know what causes anxiety and also how to handle it, so that the affected person can continue with a normal life after psychotherapy.

Children’s Drawings

For a child, drawing is, in addition to a means of recreation, also a mode of communication. Before starting psychotherapy, or in case a child faces problems in school, a psychologist will use drawing in order to understand what is going on.

Throughout the treatment, the psychologist collects drawings by the child to get a clear idea of the child's state of mind and, at the same time, ensure that psychotherapy is having the desired effect.

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Evolution of children's drawing

Around the age of 18 months, a child begins to take interest in making pencil strokes. Scribbling usually starts with making circular shapes. In the beginning, their drawings are devoid of meaning.

Only strokes that are made at a given moment, through even a slight resemblance to reality, are meaningful for a child. If you ask the child what he drew, he can tell you that it was a plane, but it could change to a table or even a cracker later.

Sometimes strokes do not represent anything in particular, so he will give you an interpretation that is most relevant at that moment. Around the age of two or three, children begin to draw vertical, horizontal and parallel lines.

At this stage, their designs are intended to be realistic, but can't be for both physical and mental reasons (The child has little or no control over his movements and his attention span is very limited).

What is most difficult to understand in children's drawings is the proportions. It is common to see designs that have only arms, or hair that is longer than the legs. Strange little figures may come up, with the legs to the side of the body, or the eyes shifted. Children often fail to take into account the elements of each drawing.

Between the ages of three and six, drawings are very different from those of an adult. For a child, a realistic drawing is one that contains all the elements he associates with an object. Houses often have transparent walls, with the furniture and occupants visible.

Human figures are often mixed up. For example, the head, arms, bodies and legs may be drawn differently. Adult observations on drawings can often be counterproductive, as they will impair spontaneity.

If you say that a profile picture drawn by a child is not appropriate because it features both eyes, for example, he may not like it. The different perspective of a child must be appreciated and is a way of encouraging creativity.

Around the age of seven, a child begins to criticise and seek feedback for his own drawings. This stage begins gradually and is not without setbacks. At this age, he can make drawings that are intellectually and visually realistic. Around the age of 12, the intellectual realism is perfectly honed.

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Symbols in drawings

In dreams, symbols become meaningful when they are related to personal associations. Drawings also gain meaning in the same manner.

One of the best-known symbols is the sun, often associated with a father figure. The moon is a classic example of a female symbol. Containers and other objects such as jugs, jars, boxes and pockets are distinctly feminine symbols.

Water is commonly associated with life. Colours are associated with different feelings. For example, red is the most emotional colour and is associated with aggression, destruction and sexual awareness.

Blue, being a cool colour, is symbolically associated with depressive feelings. The same goes for the colour black. Yellow symbolises joy, strength and vitality.

Dealing with Phobia

Fear is a universal and old instinct. It can be defined as a feeling that you are in danger and that something very bad is about to happen, and is often accompanied by physical symptoms. When fear is disproportionate to the threat posed by a situation, irrational and followed by avoidance of situations, it is called a phobia.

Almost everyone has one or two irrational fears. Some are afraid of mice, others of spiders, and yet others terrified of heights. For most people, these fears are minor. But for others, they are so strong that they cause tremendous anxiety and interfere with their day-to-day life.
When fears are irrational and uncontrollable, they are called phobias. If you live in fear due to a phobia, there is still hope, and you can overcome your phobias with the right treatment and some self-help strategies. Don't wait to seek help.
In addition to seeking professional help, there are some strategies that may help overcome phobias. Learning about these is the first step towards overcoming them. It is important to recognise that phobias are common, and easily treated by psychotherapy.
There are three basic types of phobia:
- Agoraphobia: A widespread fear of places or situations. This includes a fear of being outside the house alone, of being in a crowd, getting stuck in a queue or of travelling alone
- Social phobia: This occurs when someone has a marked and persistent fear of appearing in front of others or meeting people, often for fear that they will misunderstand their anxiety. This can be specific to a situation or widespread.
- Specific phobias: A sharp and persistent fear (or simple anticipation) of things like flying, sight of blood, injections and heights. These make people steer clear of many situations and stay indoors.
To understand what is happening, think of yourself in a pleasant situation at some point. If you are in good company and there is good music playing in the background, you remember the situation every time you hear that song.
If you stop to think about it, the music does not only remind you of the situation, but you may even experience the same pleasant feelings that you felt at that time.
It is the same for the brain. We experience strong emotions at times, which are linked to whatever happens around us. Phobias usually occur when panic is triggered in situations that are potentially dangerous.
For example, no one likes being cornered or being near a person or an animal that poses a risk. Being stuck in traffic, an elevator or a mall is, for those who suffer from certain types of phobia, a situation of being cornered. For this reason, many people who are prone to panic end up developing a phobia of closed places.
When it comes to panic attacks, professional treatment and therapy can make a big difference. But learning more about panic also helps sufferers. The mere knowledge of pathology will relieve symptoms.
Reading about anxiety, panic disorders and similar conditions will help you understand that your sensations and feelings are nothing unusual, and you are not going crazy. Learn to control your breathing. A deep breath helps relieve symptoms of a panic attack and calms down an anxious person.
Practice relaxation techniques. When practiced regularly, activities such as yoga, meditation, and stretching and relaxation of muscles will help reduce the symptoms significantly.

Motivation

Motivation is a set of internal forces that mobilise an individual to achieve a particular purpose in response to a state of necessity, lack or imbalance. The word 'motivation' comes from the Latin movere, meaning to move.

Motivation is what is likely to move an individual to perform an act in order to achieve something (the goal). Motivation can be broadly classified into two major types.
Physiological motivation (primary, organic, biological): This includes activities linked to the survival of an organism and is not the result of a learning process.
Homeostasis is a mechanism used by living organisms to regulate their bodies' internal balance. Such mechanisms cause certain body impulses that are closely connected with a particular internal state of the organism like respiration, hunger, thirst, avoiding cold and heat, and sleep.
Social motivation (secondary, cultural): This is what is essentially a result of learning, ie acquired in the process of socialisation. Examples: Need for coexistence (affiliation), success, recognition and social security. This group can be subdivided into individual centric motivation and that focused on society.
a) Individual-centric (self-assertion) motivation stems from the desire to be accepted, the need for security, to belong to a group, to achieve a high social status etc.
b) Motivation focused on society (independent of our private interests) includes respect for others, solidarity, friendship, love etc.
Some question this division of motives, stating that they all have a common background - the pursuit of pleasure, which is the only real reason for all human actions.
Motivational cycle
1. Need is a reason behind an action. It is caused by a state of imbalance due to a lack or deprivation (eg lack of food in the body).
2. Push or drive: It is the act carried out because of need or reason. It is the internal energy that pushes an individual to act in a given direction.
3. Encouragement: Is the goal to which orients the action.
4. Satiety: Is the satisfaction of having achieved the desired objective. This sequential behaviour repeats itself.
Frustration
When an individual is motivated to achieve a given objective, but cannot, due to an obstacle, he lives in a state of frustration. This feeling depends on many factors, like the subject's personality, age, nature of motivation, type of obstacle etc.
Reactions to frustration: Each kind of frustration has a particular reaction. The reactions too depend on many factors.
Behaviour resulting from frustration
Aggression: Aggression is direct when it is shown against the source that caused the frustration. Or, it can shift to other people or objects. For example, for a child, it could be directed on the parent who prevents him from playing (direct aggression). Or, the child destroys the toys with which the parent prevented play (displaced aggression).
Throughout the process of socialisation, an individual learns to deal with frustrations through inhibition, withdrawal or disguising manifestations of aggressiveness. In extreme situations, the individual may manifest aggressiveness on himself (self-harm).
Apathy (indifference or inactivity): Faced with ongoing frustrations, an individual can fall into an apathetic reaction (indifference towards the source of frustration).
Here, the motivating impulse behaviour is reduced or eliminated

Educating through play

Small children learn a lot better when you associate the act of learning with the pleasures of a game. If you only communicate the idea, they won’t learn as easily as through a game. The concept will be immediately absorbed. This issue is fundamental because we can do a lot of work with children, using games as a tool.
Teaching children to build toys using scrap is extremely easy. A stopper and a bottle can become a spacecraft. The child represents it with his or her imagination. Free yourself from the constraints of ready toys.
Presenting various materials can stimulate the child’s imagination. It is always preferable to build games or toys that are very simple, a rag doll for example. Children quickly lose interest in sophisticated toys as their use depletes quickly.
Colours and sounds
The more the intimacy with the child, the more parents are able to know what pleases him. Colour, texture, versatility and simplicity are factors to be taken into account in the choice of a toy.
In addition, we have to always bear in mind the age of the child. It he is too small, he will tend to put everything in his mouth. Toys with sharp edges and small parts can be dangerous.
In the first three months, toys that make sound are most enjoyed. Moving toys, colourful mobiles, music boxes, plush dolls etc are preferred.
Make-believe games
Symbolic games play an important part when the child is around two years of age. Now is the time to let him play freely. This way, the child can accomplish his desires and resolve conflicts by means of toys.
Simple and colourful toys like docking games, Lego blocks, dolls, pieces of cloth, encourage imagination and are most appreciated and enjoyed. When the child reaches around five years, ‘make-believe’ games come into play; the oscillation between inner and outer worlds allow the child to assume different roles and personalities.

Playing is necessary

Things like playing are important for the development of a child. We can be led to think that a game is just a way to pass time, but it is clearly much more than that. A game comes to us as a more spontaneous child activity, contributing to the growth and development of various facets of personality. The function of a game is self educating. It is through this that the child grows and evolves into adolescence and maturity.

Psychomotricity and intellectual activity
Toys favour development of gestures, movement coordination and control. While playing with marbles, for example, children try to acquire some precision. This precision is of utmost importance for motor coordination. At the same time, the attraction by colours or by shapes, their proper use, and in some didactical games, the possibility of seriation (from the largest to smallest; different sizes and colour), can promote the development of thought.
The child learns, stores data in his memory and studies the cause-effect relationship. This helps him find new strategies to solve problems and learn how to control emotions.

Security and affection
A toy has strong significance in this area. Powered by magical forces, it allows an affective relationship whose effect can be very reassuring. We all know children who sleep hooked to their dolls or teddy bears because these seem to transmit security and affection.
Replace, symbolically, the mother and, in this way, it is possible to find an internal balance. The intensity of the relationship established between children and their toys, combined with the possibility of downloading emotions and feelings, is often a spontaneous process of psychotherapy.
A child may toss his or her doll into the air, beat it or pull off its hair as a way to vent inner rage that could be very harmful if continued to be internalised. Parents get worried when their child, while playing with a friend, uses words like “kill you,” or "I'll shoot you.” These moments are of utmost importance because they can put away internal conflicts.
Never give children the idea that the world around us is full of good things. There are fairies and princes, but also witches.
This is a time when their aggression is expanded and exorcises the bad things that exist within it. If the child is able to embody the big bad wolf and Little Red Riding Hood, he will have a chance to become a balanced adult who, in adverse situations, will find sensible solutions.
Learning the rules
While sharing play activities with others, respecting rules of the game, assuming different roles and including other participants, the child learns rules of human behaviour and draws up a process of socialisation.
Through these things, he realises that there are laws that one needs to respect for things to go well. "Now it's my turn,” "I won and you lost..." terms like these convey the message that children must respect others so that they can maintain a healthy co-existence.

What is hyperactivity?

Hyperactive children have difficulty in observing and learning. They are unable to filter stimuli and are easily distracted. These children are usually very talkative, talk loudly and at inopportune moments.
They are always on the move, always doing something and are unable to stay silent. They are impulsive and do not stop to look or listen. Due to their seemingly endless reserves of energy, curiosity and need to explore things, they are more prone to injury and to break and damage things.
Hyperactive children do not have much patience. Their moods often fluctuate, making parents, teachers, adults and friends bear the brunt of their tantrums. These children form a quick attachment to people and need lots of attention to keep them calm.
It is important for parents to make hyperactive children understand social rules and expectations. The problem is that such children find it difficult to obey them. This behaviour is incidental and not deliberate.
For a hyperactive child and his family, a trip to an amusement park or supermarket can be potentially disastrous. There's just a lot going on and it is very stimulating at the same time. Due to an inability to concentrate and the constant bombardment of stimuli, a hyperactive child may become stressed.
With a constant desire to please, a hyperactive child is unable to control himself. He can be gradually discouraged from hyperactive behaviour. The child is usually intelligent, but you can't slow down the nervous system, which requires the mind's potential to complete a task.
A hyperactive child often feels isolated and segregated from his peers, but doesn't understand why he is so different. Such children are sometimes disturbed by their own disability. Unable to perform routine tasks at school, on the playground or at home, a hyperactive child can suffer from stress, depression and low self-esteem.
A behavioural specialist can help you distinguish between a normally active and energetic child and a hyperactive one. Even the smallest of children can run around and play happily for hours on end without showing any sign of fatigue or feeling sleepy.
An accurate diagnosis is essential to ensure that the child receives proper treatment. Ask the child's teacher to speak to the doctor or send you a written report.
A child specialist can usually make an accurate diagnosis.
To treat an overactive child, help him interact with family members and to make friends at school. Parents of hyperactive children are often worried and always on the alert. Consequently, it is easy to feel tired and frustrated at times.

Food guidelines
Start eliminating refined sugar and additives from your child's diet. Read the labels carefully and eliminate processed foods that contain colourants, preservatives and artificial sweeteners, as well as flavouring, which is commonly related to nitrates, sulphites and benzoates.
Studies show that more than 50 per cent of hyperactive children have fewer behavioural and sleep problems when they follow a restricted diet that does not contain artificial additives and chemicals, chocolate, monosodium glutamate, preservatives and caffeine.

Treatment
The first step is to look for a competent psychologist and get your child assessed so that you can understand what is going on.
Before any treatment is prescribed, a physical examination should be done to rule out other causes of erratic behaviour, such as a chronic middle ear infection, sinusitis, visual impairment, hearing aids and other neurological problems.
Make the child participate in projects that he likes, to help him concentrate. Learning to focus will gradually change the way he sees the world. Seek his help to complete a project. This will help him feel competent and acquire a greater sense of self esteem. When he completes a task successfully, do not forget to compliment him. Verbal praise can be a great source of encouragement.

Obesity in children

What is Obesity
Obesity is a chronic illness that comes with multiple complications, characterized by excessive accumulation of fat within a magnitude such that compromises the health, among the most common complications is diabetes mellitus, hypertension, lipid metabolism, musculoskeletal changes and the increased incidence of some types of carcinoma and mortality rates.
Obesity is the result of ingesting more energy than necessary. There is no doubt that this excessive consumption can start time phased very remote, in which the cultural influences and family habits have a key role. So we say that obesity has multiple character factors, such as genetic, psychosocial agents, cultural, nutritional-metabolic and endocrine. Obesity therefore is generated by interaction between genetic factors and cultural, as well as families.
There is a clear trend among members of the same family have a body mass index (BMI) similar. There are several scientific publications that have demonstrated a correlation between BMI of fathers and sons, suggesting that probably both genes as a shared family environment, contribute to the development of obesity.
Obesity in childhood
According to the Child Psychiatry Manual, 1983, a child is considered obese when exceeds 15 average weight corresponding to his age, since excess weight corresponds to the accumulation of lipids, which can be measured by the thickness of the fold of skin. However, it is not easy to establish parameters which define exactly the boundary between normal weight, overweight and obesity.
Influence of genetic heritage
The biological variety of the people regarding the storage of excess energy intake is too large. This fact is closely related to the individual susceptibility and their genetic heritage.
Accordingly, some people will never have overweight or obese, others may increase in weight as they increase in age, and yet others can start weight increase since childhood and keep it in later ages.
Therefore, believe doctors and experts from various areas of the participants, it is possible to reduce the Consensus influence of genetic susceptibility to changes in culture by making food family and also of the population as a whole, through education and prevention programs.
Psychological factors have an influence on Obesity
Also takes into account the influence of emotional disorders and psychological factors on the prevalence of obesity. the psychic mechanisms of oral fixation, oral regression and overestimating the value of foods are of great impact on the way people develop eating habits. It is common, for example, that a past history of body image depression and poor appetite control primitive conditioning leads to eating disorders such as bulimia, anorexia and obesity.
However, in addition to the genetic, psychological and family influences, the most important factors for the increase in the incidence of obesity was added in the sedentary life habits and consumption of processed foods with the highest content of fats, carbohydrates and less amount of fiber.

Stuttering

Stuttering is a language disorder occurring in about 0.8 per cent of children and adolescents.

Causes of stuttering
Some studies on stuttering twins led the authors to claim the existence of a genetic factor as one of the causes of stuttering. Other cases of stammering in the family were found in 34 per cent of cases.
Based on these studies, scientists have found that, if a man has a history of stuttering, his daughters will have a 10-20 per cent chance of suffering from the disorder as well. Many stutterers are also left-handed or face difficulties related to laterality as children, i.e., poor coordination of gestures.
These problems can be identified in children who have an ability to stick objects together and solve puzzles. Although initially all fingers pointed to the existence of correlation between lateralisation and language disorders, it is certain that many left-handers never suffer from speech disorders.
A large number of authors say that the parent-child relationship can sometimes trigger stammering.
The mother's emotional attitude is vital in stimulating the infant to communicate, and the quality of communication depends entirely on how encouraging this relationship is.
Mothers who are distant and a little cold towards the child can trigger anxiety that may lead to the first symptoms of stuttering. Often this type of behaviour by a mother oscillates in a contradictory manner, swinging between a possessive attitude or one of rejection or aggression.
At one moment the mother can be extremely affectionate, but may later be emotionally unavailable. These attitudes may disturb children and result in speech disorders.
Stuttering can be very annoying in adolescent social life. Being a teenager, by itself, is a time of great internal conflict. When some teenagers face this problem, they become even more greedy for social contact, but face difficulties because of stammering. Others become a subject of mockery for their peers.
This causes low self-esteem and can lead to isolation. School psychologists have found that those who stammer often have a higher than average IQ. However, despite the fact that stuttering is not a mental defect, it does not cease to be a big disadvantage for adaptation in school.
It is for this reason that the average school delay of stutterers is estimated at a year and a half. Family members may be overprotective of a child who stammers, leading to slower development.
What the family can do
Do not increase the child's anxiety. Talk quietly, making him feel that you have the time to listen to what he is saying.
Listen to the stories he tells, appreciating, whenever possible, his capacity for observation. This way, you can show how much you like to listen and talk to him despite the speech impairment.
Resist the urge to stop the child and help him by completing sentences.
Help him increase his vocabulary and gift of speech by reading him a story at bedtime. This will benefit the child once he starts school.
Avoid exposing the child to complicated situations that cause anxiety. Try to find a balance, never giving into the temptation of overprotecting, but always bearing in mind that your child's self-esteem is fragile. Don't let the family comment or make fun of this problem.
Play games with your child that include singing songs and reciting verses. Children usually react well when something is intoned peacefully. This will prepare the child for pre-school.
Solutions for stammering
There are several ways to address this problem:
Speech therapy
Practicing relaxation techniques
Psychotherapy: Psychotherapy is effective by itself or as a complement to other kinds of intervention. Those going through specific crises in adolescence can benefit from it. Psychotherapy is also an option to be considered in order to free children of any anxieties or conflict.

Sibling rivalry

When we think of rivalry between siblings, things like jealousy, envy, competition, and other abnormal and negative behaviour always comes to mind. Jealousy is reprehensible and forbidden, especially when experienced by an older child on the birth of a sibling.

Many parents tell the older child that jealousy is ugly and should never exist as he is the younger one's friend and play companion. This is true, but there is another aspect to it.
When a younger sibling is born, he will share everything the older child was so far used to getting all for himself. These include parental love, the house, sometimes the room, toys and relatives' attention.
The older child realises this at the outset when his mother gets pregnant. The division of the womb begins from then on. Jealousy in this case is expected, and therefore normal.
It is unusual when the older child does not experience any rivalry towards the new-born and treats him amicably. If that happens, we can say that this is strange and disturbing. It is generally not part of the nature of the child, and, of course, his jealousy may surface sometimes.
Intense jealousy can be a source of great anxiety for parents. Jealousy in children, when it is not too strong, is a normal personality trait. It involves a healthy rivalry. When this occurs in sibling relationships, it is a preparatory training for the competitive phase, which the child must face in the social and professional environment later.
Hostility and hatred are the most common manifestations of jealousy. Hostility can range from mild manifestations of aggression and minor peeves to a complete intolerance of the younger sibling, with a desire to 'eliminate' the hated individual.
Jealousy can also be manifested indirectly. The child experiences anxiety and directs his hostility openly towards his brother.
There may also be a regression in the older child's behaviour: anger or aggression against the parents, a lack of appetite, refusal to study or failure in academic tests.
When this phase extends so far, it may threaten the child's personality growth, leading to ambivalence and indecision, difficulty in carrying out tasks that require a capacity for abstraction, as well as in reaching logical conclusions.
In order to rebel against a younger sibling's presence, a child may do the opposite of what parents want him to. For example, if the parents want him to be a good student, be disciplined, etc, the child may behave in exactly the opposite manner in order to attract their attention.
There are also passive mechanisms. The child sometimes internalises his hostility. He may experience nervous tics and speech difficulties, begin bed-wetting or want parents to put food in his mouth - stages which he may have already outgrown.
Another passive mechanism is when the child is listless, dull, lazy and unenthusiastic. He may also lock himself in emotionally, and cease normal relations with other family members.
Since affectivity and intelligence are closely linked, the academic progress and personality development of these children is often impacted. Another passive mechanism is self-devaluation. The child thinks he is not important anymore and keeps a low profile. This depressive reaction may even lead to self-destructive behaviour.
Parents need to praise the child and channel his aggression into activities he performs with ease, such as swimming or another sport. He should be encouraged to make new friends and visit different places. Comparisons with the younger sibling must obviously be avoided. They are inevitable, but will hopefully be done by outsiders.
To say that a younger sibling is more intelligent, capricious or loving will not serve to stimulate a child. On the contrary, it will only make him feel ashamed and inferior. When he grows up, he is likely to be perceived as unwise or unaffectionate, which is not unusual.
We often find adults or teenagers who think they are ugly, incompetent or unimaginative because they always have been compared to younger siblings or other children.
Comparisons of this kind undermine the child's character traits and delay his development. When we talk about comparisons made by parents, we must also take into account their preferences, which can affect the child's emotional development.
Parents should identify and highlight the positive behaviour of each child. Their individual skills and talents should always be valued and never compared. When a child shares a caring and loving relationship with his parents, he will find other relationships easier to manage.

Gifted Children

It is difficult to determine the mental development of a child. It is particularly difficult to assess in very young children. Educators recognise two types of skills - intellectual and creative - and programmes for gifted children today are labelled ‘gifted and talented’. Bright and healthy children from stimulating environments often cannot fit into these classifications. Usually, they are very inquisitive about the world around them, are creative with words as they learn to speak and, while they are playing, are creative with toys.

Some love books and learn to read well before school age. They are eager to learn and some show early indications of interest and a special talent for music, art, theatre or dance. The fantasy world is a strong call for some who use their imaginations in creative ways.
If you’re a mother or father of a child who may be gifted, you’re probably happy about that, but at the same time, maybe, also concerned. You may be torn between pushing too hard and challenging enough to stimulate your child’s brilliance. A formal evaluation is the most reliable way to determine whether the development of a child lies in the official classification of ‘gifted and talented’.
The evaluation of a gifted child should be performed by a person or a service that has experience with young children and also with tests and methods of appropriate interpretation.
This involves the use of certain standardised tests which measure the development of skill levels and talent, but almost never involve evaluating the use of intelligence tests, because of the instability of IQ at early ages.
The results of an evaluation indicate, which areas of learning that a child may begin to dominate at an early age and the reading level appropriate for him/her.
Many gifted and talented children do not read before going to school. Early reading is not the sole criterion for mental or exceptional creative ability. An assessment of your child is a good idea to accumulate evidence or information.
Keep a written record of his/her observation. Use examples and note these features:
Early talking with a vocabulary similar to that of an adult and exceptionally insightful questions or comments or cunning,
Excellent memory,
Knack for drawing or other artwork,
Ability to focus on an activity for long periods of time.
Educators also suggest that you continue to encourage your child’s natural curiosity, without pressure or force. Provide any enriching experiences as possible, especially that your child likes. Take advantage of opportunities in bookstores, children’s museums and the like. Try to find other parents willing to join you and share your knowledge and enthusiasm and lead children to appropriate educational tours.
Remember that the most gifted children are children first, then gifted. It is easy to treat a gifted child as if she were much older, however, they are immature for some things.
All children, whatever their abilities and potentials, need love, attention. Parents should not try to turn them into miniature adults.

Does couple therapy help?

When differences arise between a couple, should they work on the relationship or separate? How and when should this decision be made?

As in any relationship, one person is more flexible and understanding than the other. Some spouses are more radical and have low tolerance levels, especially when it comes to dealing with change. I have noticed differences arising between couples when one partner perceives that the other’s attitude is not the same as before.
Complaints like “But you were not...,” “have changed,” “you don’t go out with me anymore...," “spend too much time in the office” then begin to emerge. What leads to this change? How does a union get affected when both partners are troubled?
When we unite with someone, we need to be completely sure that the decision is the right one for infinite happiness. However, it turns out over several years that life is dynamic and can change, situations change, and that these personal changes sometimes end up interfering with the union.
Small differences lead to lengthy discussions and bickering as the couple becomes a family with the arrival of children. In addressing this subject, I refer to the most tense situations, where the climate is less conducive to dialogue and understanding.
The question asked in the title is almost impossible to answer because each case is unique. There are no fast rules, but there are some considerations to be made for reflection.
Communication is undeniably present in any relationship, regardless of whether it includes affection or not. A kind gesture can be disregarded by someone who does not even recognise the act. A misplaced word can give rise to a heated discussion if there is no tolerance and understanding from a partner.
Some people always try to read between the lines of what is said or done. They are always wondering, “Did the person have an intention to attack me by saying that? Or was he/she distracted and answered abruptly?”
One of the two may become a control freak and ask too many questions, wanting to be aware of the minutest details of the partner’s day. Or else one may plan several things without bothering that the other partner does not even show the slightest interest in any of it.
Many times, change occurs in conjunction with good understanding. Sometimes one partner cannot understand the suffering of the other one, who may be displaying unusual behaviour or keeping a distance.
I believe that couple therapy may help in these cases. The therapist enters as a mediator, trying to translate what one partner means and the other cannot understand, mostly under the influence of emotions.
Is there a way to initiate separation when a person has no courage to face the situation? Initiating dialogue can be complicated, because when the partners try to communicate, they may get overwhelmed and not arrive at any conclusion.
Even if there is affection between them, if a distance is gradually building up and making the partners indifferent, the presence of a professional contributes greatly to the clarity of the picture.
There is no one advice that one can give such couples. They can either separate, or stay in the relationship and tolerate the situation.
The final decision will always be up to the partners. However, during counselling sessions, the couple gets a chance to discuss their problems and complaints, which may bring them closer and help them clarify misunderstandings. The truth appears and fears diminish, making things clearer.
A fear of change is inherent in human beings. It is one of the reasons that people are often miserable. Many things change with separation, and this is why people tend to delay decisions.
Therefore, to sum it up, couple therapy is a good option when one or both partners realise that there is something missing in the relationship.

Separation Anxiety

Anxiety in children is caused by several factors, of which the most pregnant is how they are treated at home. When left untreated, anxiety crystallises into a more concrete form. As a child enters adulthood, it results in avoidance behaviour, and can make a person phobic or shy. Anxiety disorders can begin when a child is as young as 6-8 months old. The more anxious parents are, the more likely the child is to suffer from anxiety. Anxiety is a phenomenon of human nature, and mild pangs of anxiety in new situations are absolutely normal.
Anxiety can even be beneficial because it serves as an adaptive response in many difficult situations. Therefore, the mere presence of anxiety during separation from parents is not a sign of pathology. It is a normal phenomenon in a child's development, especially when he is 6-8 months old.
But when we speak of pathological anxiety, we speak of an anxiety disorder that gradually becomes established, which compromises adaptation and child development. Events during pregnancy and birth, or unpleasant sensations, can make a child more vulnerable to something that generates tension.
Both psychological and situational factors can trigger natural anxiety. But if a child has a structure around her, such as anxious parents, then you can establish a case of chronic anxiety. Some stimuli that are experienced are so intensely negative, they may even trigger pathological anxiety.
Anxiety arises at the age of around 6-8 months when a baby experiences discomfort, cries and gets upset in the presence of a stranger. This shows that a child is distinguishing a familiar face from a strangers. It is a completely normal and healthy reaction, but may lead to separation anxiety. In situations where the mother or caregiver of the child has to leave him with someone else, the child despairs, his heart races, face turns red, and he cannot be controlled or pacified.
The child may not want to go to daycare or school, and his school performance may fall gradually. This is the most common symptom - but not always, because the emotional bond with the teacher makes a big difference here.
I realise that, depending on the child, a stimulus that does not lead to some anxiety in a crisis can generate anxiety in another situation for those who are predisposed to it.
A good relationship can prevent chronic anxiety. The way parents, babysitters, grandparents or anyone else who cares for the child deal with life situations is important. If a person already has a tendency to get anxious and tense when everyone else panics, it can only intensify.
What we need to have as a rule is: The less anxiety transmitted to the child, the better. We have to calm the child down and protect him. Thus he learns that there are many ways to evaluate an issue and deal with it besides getting anxious.
To counter separation anxiety, parents need to spend quality time with their children. If a child feels safe in the presence of his mother early in life, the tendency to get anxious is minimised.
We know that symptoms of anxiety are relatively common in children and adolescents, and chronic and pathological anxiety, including separation anxiety, is a clinical problem that is increasingly common in modern times. All professionals dealing with children and adolescents must be aware of the possible manifestations of anxiety in this age group, which are:
1. The child has symptoms that cannot be classified as normal behaviour;
2. Anxiety significantly impairs the child's functioning;
3. The symptoms of anxiety persist for an inappropriate length of time.
Such anxiety can be debilitating and stressful for families. Therefore, treatment is more effective, and has excellent results if the disorder is diagnosed early and correctly. Diagnosis is important because children with separation anxiety often face difficulty in performing daily activities, attending school, staying with friends, going on tour and even maintaining normal sleeping habits hildren with the disorder suffer a lot when separated from parents. Symptoms can arise even at the mere mention of a possible future separation. When separated from home or parents, the child urgently needs to know their whereabouts and feels the need to stay in constant contact, for example with repeated phone calls.
They have frequent nightmares about separation. They also experience extreme longing and feel sick (fever, diarrhoea and vomiting) due to the discomfort of being away from home, or when a person they bond with is absent.
Other symptoms include worrying that something bad might happen to them or to their parents, refusal to go to school, and reluctance to sleep alone or away from the parents. Outside the home, they may experience social withdrawal, apathy, sadness or have difficulty concentrating.
Concerns about death are common, as well as social avoidance. The child may feel that no one likes him and/or that somebody wants to kill him. They may also exhibit aggressive behaviour such as anger at the person forcing separation. They can also report unusual perceptual experiences such as imagining people or frightening creatures in the room trying to pick them up, and a feeling that someone is watching them.
A child's demands for attention, affection and love often become a source of frustration for parents, causing resentment and conflict in the family. Sometimes children with anxiety are described as overly meticulous, obedient and eager to please, worrying excessively about issues that adults usually think about (their own competence, what to wear the next day, which subject to choose at university, etc). Depression is also seen in patients with separation anxiety.

Take surprise in stride

Not everyone can deal with the surprise factor. When the unexpected happens, it can often lead to frustration. From the smallest of things such as the car breaking down and losing data on the computer to the end of a marriage and a loved one's death, some events are just difficult to stomach.

Psychoanalyst Melanie Klein said that people need to understand that frustration is a part of work and life. However, having to deal with unexpected surprises is often not a welcome thought.
Oddly enough, this behaviour begins in childhood, especially when the child gets whatever he asks for, whenever he wants it. Parents should deal with children firmly, even when it is easier to give in to their whims. Such children are likely to enter adulthood unable to cope with the surprises and disappointments of daily life.
Even when people are able to accept disappointment, they find it difficult to regain their emotional strength. This is often seen at the time of taking forced retirement or submitting a resignation, when a person often has to change their expectations and dreams drastically.
In times of conflict and crisis, unstable emotions and stress can lead to disease, anxiety and somatisation. Understanding that life is not always ideal does not mean that you must stop dreaming. You need to adapt as best as possible to what cannot be changed, and alternatively try to turn the loss into something more positive. If you think in a mature way, you must learn to intensely focus on time periods such as 'after' and 'from now on.'

The reinforcement of mature behaviour is necessary right from childhood, especially because many from the current generation would agree with phrases like, "I have everything I want," or, "My father gives me everything I ask for."
Children often behave irrationally when they cannot have their way. Parents sometimes give in to unreasonable demands when they are unable to spend enough time with their children. They end up easing their guilt by showering children with material gifts.
Knowing when to wait and when to resign oneself to life is an essential part of building a healthy and balanced personality. Adults who are unprepared for suffering and unpleasant events often break down and come close to losing control over their own lives.
Support groups help greatly in dealing with a personal loss or other problems such as alcoholism, drug abuse, Down syndrome, etc. They quickly help people adapt to the new reality and circumstances of a family member.
Basically our ability to deal with reality is hampered because we believe that once our day begins, it will end as planned. The possibility of setbacks is excluded, and somehow we feel omnipotent in relation to what we want to accomplish. Understanding one's own finitude and limitations is a big step in developing maturity and gaining acceptance of the surprise factor.

Non-verbal communication

Non-verbal communication is used by man right from birth. It includes gestures, looks and touch, and is as essential as verbalisation, because human beings manage to convey rejection, affection, empathy, and of course, neglect and love, through it. In day-to-day life, this type of communication is an essential part of relationships, whether between friends or family members, as part of a set of coded messages through which we express ourselves. Marital partners often use non-verbal cues as a common tool to express dissatisfaction and frustration. Here are some of the common methods used by them:
Silence
Silence is a popular weapon. People try to show anger or discontent through it. If a spouse does not realise that something is wrong, the person's dissatisfaction grows. Many think that a husband or wife is obliged to understand their attitude.
If a person shuts up completely, the partner has to guess what is behind the silence. As time passes, the silence takes on another purpose, which is punishment. The person will deliberately not speak just because the partner was unable to understand the real reason behind his/her silence. This is an agonising situation for a spouse who may not be telepathic.

Indifference
Indifference is another powerful form of non-verbal communication. A spouse becomes indifferent to matters of the house, the children, sexual intimacy and so on. The latter is commonly used by women when they are trying to say that something is wrong.
Men generally use pending work as an excuse to avoid their wives. They say they find it better to stay late at work rather than take work home. At least at work, they feel they can avoid their partner's negative attitude. Friends are also used in such circumstances. People surround themselves with friends all the time so they can avoid intimacy. In this case, we use a friend as a shield to fill the time that would probably be spent with the spouse.
Solitary hyper-activity or spending all one's spare time alone without including the mate are also ways of demonstrating that something is wrong. Exchange of affection also ceases in such situations.

Non-verbal cues that can strengthen a relationship
Destructive non-verbal communication can make an unresolved situation worse, undermining the relationship. Positive communication streng-thens the self-confidence and security of a couple.
A look of encouragement is often all that is needed for positive non-verbal communication. A husband who takes out time to reach home on time or go out with his wife is acknowledging that even within the intricate scheme of work, this coexistence is part of their priorities.
A simple touch also fits into the category of positive non-verbal communication. It is especially important when someone is in pain. A touch, whether fleeting or prolonged, conveys understanding even in silence, and empowers the partner.
Let us not forget, however, that verbalisation is equally important. By talking about something that bothered us and was not effectively resolved, we can strengthen understanding with our spouses and confirm what they interpreted from our non-verbal cues.
Silence does not always mean that a person is hiding behind it. However, false interpretation can give wings to a partner's imagination, making things even more difficult in a relationship. So make your attitude clear and express yourself honestly before things become unmanageable.

Play it safe

Parents and relatives are concerned about the safety of children, especially if they are babies. Mothers have constant doubts and fears over their children's safety. Thus, toys need to be purchased after careful consideration.

As a baby wants to bite and grab everything that comes his way, parents should take special care when they go shopping. It is especially important to monitor children's play. "During the first year, the baby takes everything, including toys, in his mouth and nibbles on them, which also serves to massage the gums," said a study by the Association for the Promotion of Child Safety (APSI) in Portugal.
If the child is irritable by nature, he needs toys that constantly stimulate him. Playpens and children's gyms allow babies and small children to explore their surroundings safely. They make life easier for mothers because they allow the execution of important day-to-day tasks without interruption. The mother can cook while the baby is playing, and watch him at the same time.
How to choose a playpen
As with other toys, choosing the right playpen is essential. It should be appropriate for the intended age group. Note the minimum safety requirements carefully. Always read the warnings and instructions and, if possible, remove the playground from the packaging to examine it thoroughly.
In Portugal, all manufacturers need to follow EU directives for the marketing of toys and baby products. This is known as the CE mark. It must be clearly visible on the toy or its packaging before it is introduced in the market. It should also include the manufacturer's name, business name, brand name and the address of the manufacturer, dealer or importer.
When to use a playpen
The use of a playpen is recommended from the time a child begins to explore the world around him. "Although the baby does not start moving all of a sudden, prepare the house for what can happen when he eventually does. Something untoward can happen when you least expect it," the study said.
Since the floor is not the safest place for playing, a children's gym is the best alternative. The playpen should be used in specific situations, such as when the supervising adult is bathing or cooking. In case of the latter, it is recommended that you place the playpen in the kitchen to see what the child is doing, and to keep track of his activities. A major advantage of a playpen is that it can be moved easily.
However, some safety regulations should be followed. If your baby is often alone with an adult, you should choose a sufficiently large playpen so the child can move freely. Use it only for small periods of time. Also check the method of assembly and the mechanism of opening/closing the pen.
Do not put toys that may harm the child, or others used for climbing or stacking, in the playpen. Last but not the least, do not put the playpen near objects that can be pulled or accessed by children, such as wires or lamps. The playground can be unsafe if parents are not attentive.

Love and betrayal

Several times during my professional life, I have encountered people who have cheated on their partner or been cheated on in relationships. Those who have been cheated on usually end up feeling lost and not knowing what to do or think. Betrayals of this kind cause severe pain and lead to serious self-doubt all over the world. I truly believe that a person in love will not betray. One who is truly in love does not feel the need to experience anything else. He/she is not open to new experiences and is in a particular relationship as a result of a mature and adult choice, and not because of moral values or fear of losing the person they fell in love with.
Being in love is much more than what a person wants or needs. It is a sharing that takes place naturally from both sides, with no demands and no stronger links. I believe the big problem of society lies here, because we don’t know about real love.
Modern society doesn’t permit us to develop and be mature when it comes to our emotions. As a result, we end up falling in love or being in a relationship in an immature and selfish way. If this is the case, it is very natural that people will cheat, after all, it's almost a condition of being human. We must understand the need for seeking and experiencing different things that sharpen our senses and stimulate our emotions.
In therapy, with the issue of betrayal usually comes the question: Should I forgive him or not? Will he/she do it again? Can I ever trust him/her? The reality is, what is that part of love that made you feel betrayed? How do you love and how do you feel about it?
The answer usually lies in the way that we love the other someone. Is our love mature? If you someone asks you why you love your partner, would your answer be something like, “He/she makes me feel good,” or, “He/she makes me feel stronger,” or prettier, safe, etc? Then it seems you are not experiencing real love, but what you like in this relationship is the way that person makes you feel about yourself and about life. So the lack of maturity and over self-centeredness are what stop us from reaching out with love.
Sometimes we are just in the wrong relationship, but if you end up there it is usually not by chance. The worst part is that you can recognise it, but you can’t end it.
If you can see yourself in any of these situations, you should consider therapy to find yourself and understand whether you love, if you are loved as per your expectations, and whether those expectations are real.
So, once again you might ask me, shall I forgive or not? Which of these options is conducive to mental health? That will only depend on how you love. Trust me, it is always possible to be truly happy!

Is your child Hyperactive?

It is common for any child to be active, sometimes even excessively, and this is normal. Likewise, it is common for children to lack interest and become disorderly, especially at school. But before we categorise this behaviour as 'hyperactivity,' we must understand that hyperactivity is characterised by uninterrupted activity. A hyperactive individual is active 24 hours a day, and even sleeps restlessly. When he is physically exhausted, his mind still needs to be active. Even though the body can not take it, the mind remains in action.
Hyperactivity is not a disease in itself, and is usually a symptom of disorders such as Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, some types of Attention deficit disorder, Obsessive-compulsive disorder and other learning or behavioural disorders.
There are several angles to consider: When a child is very active, always busy and never seems to get tired, you should observe how he sleeps. If he has restless sleep with or without nightmares, sleeps fitfully, falls out of bed or suffers from tics, seizures or other symptoms, he should be referred to a professional (paediatrician, therapist or psychiatrist) who is able to identify and treat the condition, or can refer the child to a specialist.
If the child's sleep is quiet and restful, we can say that he is normal. Then all you should do is leave him to spend all his energy during the day and to sleep and rest quietly at night. If the child is of school-going age, he should attend a school that has enough space for playing, and good toys.
If the child is not in school yet, it is up to parents to take him to a public park or playground. They can play instructive games with him, like play puppet theatre, for example. It is possible to make simple puppets with your child and then use them for this purpose. It will keep him busy for a long time and is an educational activity. In addition, many other activities can be organised with creativity and patience. Parents can explore several avenues to keep their children occupied and entertained.
In the case of indiscipline in small children, the quality of education should be reviewed as indiscipline and poor education often go together. If the child has a discipline problem in school, the number of unruly students in the class should be analysed.
If the entire class is well behaved and only a few students are disobedient, you should check who is responsible, since one child's bad manners may be causing a disturbance. When in doubt, a psychologist's intervention can be sought, because a psychologist can see if the children have any problems and/or forward them to other professionals for treatment.
If the whole class is undisciplined, it is likely that the teacher is boring, or some other factors are at play. A creative and interested teacher can surely find ways to make a class dynamic and interesting, and also discipline the children.
In case of exaggerated hyperactivity, seizures without complications, or if it is impossible to control the child, he should be referred to a psychologist or neuropsychologist who will be able to identify the disorder and treat it.